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Kansas City MO 64131

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Filtering by Tag: transitions

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Cindy Maddera

Two nights ago we lost our house to a flood and a fire. In all the chaos, I ended up hit in the head and left in a coma for six months (yes, time is weird and relative). When I finally came too, I was all alone in the hospital. I pulled out my IV and rummaged around for some clothes. Then I walked back to where our house used to be. Seeing that there was no house, I continued walking until I got to a dumpy motel. Michael was living there some woman he was now sleeping with and all of our family members. Everybody looked rough with worn clothes and scraggly hair. I looked around at the squalor they were now living in and said “what is going on?!?” That’s when Michael, who was naked in bed with that woman I mentioned before, noticed me standing in the doorway. He sat up in surprise, sputtering to get a sentence out. I grabbed the woman by her hair and dragged her out of the bed and then kicked her. “Get the fuck out!” I spit in her face. Then Michael started rambling about insurance money and being broke. He was high or drunk, probably both. I just shook my head at him and then turned around and walked out.

And here I sit now in the light of day and reality (?) wondering what on Earth is going on.

My nights for the past few weeks have been filled with visions of nonsense. Someone said that this probably means I’m not sleeping well at night. That time between 9:30 PM and 1:00 AM is fantastic. I sleep so soundly that when I wake up sometime around one, I think it’s actually time to get up. Except I don’t because that sounds like a dumb idea. Instead I toss and turn, drifting in and out of sleep until around 4:30 ish. This week, I’ve just said “screw it” and peeled my body out of bed at 4:30 AM to get on my yoga mat. These morning practices have not been anything spectacular or fancy. I have just gotten on my mat and moved. Tuesday morning I ended my practice, curled up around the dog on my yoga mat. We lay there wrapped up in a blanket, still and quiet with Josephine’s toys scattered randomly around us. I could hear Michael snoring from his room. I could hear the creek and crack of the house shifting in the cold. Then I heard an owl hooting from somewhere in our front yard.

I heard that owl again this morning.

The hippy dippy part of me knows that these crazy night visions and the odd sleep behavior have to do with the Spring Equinox, which is just around the corner. It is my body preparing for the shifting of time. The sun is already staying out a little bit longer and I leave the house for work in the mornings in daylight instead of the dark of predawn. There is something a little bit uncomfortable in the shift because it is a slow transition. Particularly this year when we are predicted to get three to six inches of snow on Sunday. I always imagine this transition to be similar to the transition between human and werewolf. The movies always portray it so violently and painful. Think of the strain the body would go through to make such a dramatic molecular change, but then slow that molecular change down from seconds to days. I am slowely transitioning into a werewolf.

Or, if I want to be kind to myself, I am transition back into a human.

There is something about being awake while most of the rest of the world is sleeping. It is the time of morning covered in whispers and hushes. In the mist of the whispers and hushes, there is something calming and still. It is not a terrible time of day to be awake. It just sounds like a terrible time to be awake. When I was really little, I went through a phase where I would wake up in the middle of the night. I would get out of bed and quietly shut my bedroom door. Then I would turn on my light and quietly play with my toys in the middle of my bedroom floor. I don’t know how long this went on before I was finally discovered. My Mom opened the door to find me with the light on, playing. She made me go back to bed and turned the light out. I don’t remember getting up again after that, but I do remember that calming stillness. It must be something I just crave on occasion.

I am thankful for the hoot of an owl.

THANKFUL FRIDAY

Cindy Maddera

Last night, I roasted chopped potatoes and asparagus with rosemary and garlic. I served it up with two perfectly poached eggs. The house still smells like rosemary and garlic and I was reminded that this is the time of year when I am usually roasting trays of tomatoes. I looked out the kitchen window this morning to see that all the tomato plants are loaded down with very green tomatoes. It's likely that my roasting tomatoes will not come from own garden this year. I might venture into canning my own tomatoes this year just because of freezer space. We'll see, but I do like the idea of filling the house with the smell of roasting tomatoes. It is a seasonal smell that we've grown used to around here. 

This is the last weekend of August and next weekend will be what many refer to as the last weekend of Summer. Every year, I am unprepared for the end of summer. Every year, I think that there's so much more I could have gotten accomplished outside. Every year I think "wait! I didn't let myself bake on the hot sidewalk once this year!" Every year I cling to the lingering warmth of summer and beg it to stay just a little longer. Last night, Josephine and I passed a tree on our evening walk that had one bright red leaf standing out against the see of green leaves on it's branches. A warning. The season is going to change. But there's still time! I am thankful for that one red leaf to remind me to enjoy and cherish the last few weeks of summer. Plant those Fall vegetables! Ride that bicycle! Lounge in that hammock! I planted the Fall veggies on Monday. 

I am thankful for the last days of summer. I am thankful for the slow transition into Fall. I am thankful for the new couch even if it's making me completely rethink the layout of the living room. I am thankful for rosemary and garlic. I am thankful for breaks in this weeks rain that allow for dog walks. I am thankful for sowed seeds. I am thankful. Short but sweet. Happy Thankful Friday.