contact Me

Need to ask me something or get in contact with me? Just fill out this form.

Kansas City MO 64131





Cindy Maddera

I had some thoughts about last night's debate, but I just couldn't commit to them. Those of you who know me, know where I stand and what I think. I find Donald Trump to be vile, misogynistic, and down right grotesque. His speeches encourage hate and discrimination, pretty much the opposite of what I believe and the opposite of what I was taught as a child in Sunday school. He has yet to actually provide us with any kind of plan or strategy for how he's going to "fix" things in this country. He just speaks in circular sentences like I'm going to make things better by making things better. I just can't believe we're going to let a member of the 1% run this country and expect him to do anything to benefit the poor and middle class. Facts are important. I recommend that everybody go and read up on some of the fact checking that was done on the debate. NPR has a good one. And I didn't even want this post to be about politics, but you see how easy it is to fall down that ugly rat hole. This entry was/is about making plans. Big plans. Happy plans, regardless of who wins this election in November. 

Michael and I sat across from each other at a Chinese restaurant on Saturday for lunch. We talked about a lot of different things. I got a little fixated with a guy in his early sixties wearing an almost Elvis like black wig. Michael found tiny octopus on the buffet and I treated it like a science project. It was just a regular old lunch with usual randomness. I don't remember exactly what Michael said, but his words triggered a question. I asked him if his ex came to him today and said "I was wrong, please come back" would he go back. I've asked this kind of question before. He always says that he never wanted to get a divorce. Actually, he just never wanted to be divorced. It didn't matter from whom. Divorcee was just not something he wanted on his resume. Yet it still bothers me when he says that he never wanted a divorce. I know it's not fair. I never wanted to be a widow. I just don't say this out loud as often and I press him on this subject of never out of insecurity and even a little vanity. This time around he says that he would have just liked to have had the option to try to save his marriage. He knows that it would never had worked out with her, but in the end it wasn't something they fought to keep. I suppose there's something noble in that, making a promise and then doing everything in your power to keep it. 

He tells me he really likes what we are building together. He's excited about the possibility of getting both scooters in the bed of his truck and hooking a popup camper to the back. He's excited about collecting National Park stamps. "Where are we going next?" is the question we ask the most these days.  He tells me he's not trying to fill a hole shaped like his ex, but if I left, he'd be forever trying to fill a hole shaped like me. He tells me that his online dating profile would say something about looking for someone who likes to road trip in a small camper, rides a scooter, and makes her own ghee. He tells me I would leave a hole in a very specific shape that would not be easy to fill. Then he looked at me and asked if he'd said all the right things or all the wrong things. I nodded my head and said "all the right things." Then I opened my fortune cookie that read "Make big plans" and we grinned at each other. 

We're making big plans together.