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Kansas City MO 64131





Cindy Maddera

I've been dreaming at night of friends. Earlier last week, I dreamed that I helped Amy build a huge raised bed garden behind the library where she works. We put in a lot of work building a wood frame and then filling it in with dirt. We stood back looking at our progress and started to discuss the things we'd plant. I woke up before we planted anything. Soon after my garden dream of Amy, I dreamed I was eating sushi with Todd, Yuko and the boys in Japan. It was a walk up window sushi place that only had three things. They were out of the one I wanted, so I ended up with the uni (sea urchin). It's not really my favorite, but I'll eat it. That really was all there was to that dream. Since that dream, I have had coffee with the Jens and a beer with Misti. I have sat on a porch swing with Stephanie, I have taken a walk with Robin, and I have ridden the subway with Talaura. I have done all of these things while sleeping. 

Back during the Christmas holiday, the Jens and Amy and I all made plans to spend a day together. We were camping out at Robin's. Robin and her family were out of town, but expected to be home when we got back from Norman. I woke up the morning of our visit and the weather had turned to total crap. Amy, the Jens and I texted back and forth that morning trying to figure out what to do and then finally deciding that it was too risky for us all to get out in the ice. The Cabbage asked for a boiled egg for breakfast. I stood at Robin's stove watching a pot of water come to a boil with tears dripping down my face. It seemed so unfair to have driven all that way and not be able to see them. Michael hugged me and said we'd schedule time in the Spring for me to go down and visit with OKC friends. He mentioned this the other day. He said "didn't we decide that you would go spend a weekend with your friends soon?" I nodded in agreement and then said that it would have to wait until some time in May. 

It doesn't take a genius to interpret these dreams. I had such a wonderful time with Todd and his family that I wish we could all hang out on a weekly basis. Even if it means I have to eat uni. I miss the faces of people I didn't get to see at Christmas. I also need to finish planning my garden and think about getting some things planted, but mostly I just miss some faces. I guess, in a way, this is my confession. I am terrible at communicating. I should send more emails. I should reach out more in texts. I rely too heavily on the blog and facebook to give me information about others and for those to know what is going on with me. My blog is just a small blerb of what is actually going on around here and if you were to rely on the last few entries to know how things are going in my life, you might be worried about me. Look...I'm doing just fine. I haven't told you about the lovely day we spent in Lawrence or how all four chickens are laying eggs now. There's been just enough good swirled in with the sad. 

I used to give up something for Lent every year. Then I did a few years where I aded something good for me for Lent. This year I never really declared anything. Lent fell too close to bad calendar dates. Plus I was sick. I used these excuses along with how I am not Catholic to not even acknowledge Lent this year. I didn't even make everything jambalaya for Fat Tuesday. We had tacos. If I had been thinking straight, I would have added something like 40 days of communication. Every day I would send an email or text to someone. I would reach out and ask how things were going outside of the internet. I would be less of an introvert, home body, recluse, navel gazer. I don't need Lent, though, to reach out and say hello. I don't need a reason. I just need to do it. In the meantime, those of you should all know that at the very least, I have been thinking of you. 

And dreaming.