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Kansas City MO 64131





Cindy Maddera

Sat Nam is a mantra that basically translates into "I am the truth" or "My true self". When it is chanted, the sat part is drawn out long like "saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat" and then the nam is short. I just keep picturing a muppet with his hinged mouth open and his head swaying back and forth as he says "saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat". There's also some movements of his spindly arms happening as well. I came across this mantra in an article I was reading about ten mantras to memorize. I liked this one for two reasons. First of all it's short. Secondly, I like the idea of just sitting there saying "saaaaaaaaaaaaaat" because you're sitting and chanting "saaaaaaaaat" and that's just funny.

Honestly this introduction to Sat Nam was just meant to be a segue to an entry about chakras and chanting. I've been doing some chakra specific order of yoga poses lately in my practice and I finish it all up with the sounds associated with each chakra. At first it felt kind of silly to be sitting in a public space while quietly humming through the chakras, but then I just got over it. There's all kinds of noises happening in that gym. My quiet humming just blends into the back ground. Also, who cares? I don't. So I've been humming away because it makes me smile. It makes me feel good. As far as the chakra poses go, I have no idea if they're making a difference. I mean, I might have an idea, but not a clear idea.

Then today, after solving [(ug/MW) x 1000] x MR divided by 7.94 (which by the way equals 5.8 micro liters, which is the amount of molecular dye I need to bind to 100 micro grams of protein, this is my job) I rewarded myself by reading through the mantra article. I took a moment to really enjoy the idea of saying "saaaaaaaaaaaaaat nam" before noticing what it even meant. The translation set off a tiny existential crisis. Am I the truth or being my true self? Maybe I'm attracted to the mantra because I need to remind myself to be my true self? Who am I? Who do I want to be? How do I want people to see me or not see me? What kind of butterfly do I want to turn into? Or would I rather be a moth or a beetle? I'm forty years old, almost forty one. Am I too old for reinvention? Madonna is fifty eight years old and constantly reinventing herself, but I am not Madonna. My life career is not dependent on reinvention. 

When I say tiny existential crisis, I mean that all of those above thoughts zipped by in seconds, micro seconds even. They were only around long enough to recognize that those thoughts exist, only long enough to very briefly question myself, before I'm back to that image of the muppet. Now that I think about it, I think I'd really enjoy watching a muppet yoga series. But really truly, all of this is a practice in writing. Because I'm stuck in that moment just before Christmas where it's too early to post about looking back on 2016 and I've got nothing to blog about. I feel like I should write something just to keep my brain from molding over. As a results, you now know that some times at work I have to do really hard math and there's a mantra of self truth. 

I'm thinking of yelling this mantra every time someone posts a fake news story. SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT NAM!