The other morning, I stepped outside to do my usual loop around the fountains before getting coffee. The air was crisp and cool and the wind stung my cheeks leaving them apple pink. Several memories flooded behind my eyes. I thought about that trip Chris and I took to Seattle and how on our first morning, we were so cold that we bought gloves at REI. It was the first time in a long time where we both had experienced an actual Fall. It was the first time in a long time where we were witnesses to the beautiful colors of the season. The crisp Fall air made us giddy and breathless and or eyes sparkled with joy. Just as quickly as that memory hit me, I was hit with memories of Ireland. The breeze felt like the wind that hit our faces as we rode in the jaunty cart, touring Killarney. Our guide had given us a wool blanket to place over our legs and Mom and I laughed and laughed as the horse picked up speed and the cart bounced along the trail. This memory is followed by one of Michael and I as we toured the winery in Herman. The cellars had been turned into a mushroom farm and then back into a winery. We wondered about turning our basement into a mushroom farm.
As I am flooded with these memories and others I am acutely aware of the absolute perfection of those moments. In fact, this awareness hits me so hard in the chest that for a moment I cannot breathe. I have always felt that perfection was an unattainable thing and that our constant failures to be perfect are the reason why so many of us feel that we are not enough. I'm not saying that we shouldn't strive for better or want things to be as close to perfect as we can get them. I'm just saying that it's okay to let the idea of perfection be whatever your best effort is. Those truly perfect moments in my memories all happened at times when I wasn't trying to control everything around me in order to create some perfect world. Those moments happened when I was just being present. I am so thankful for those times when I wasn't striving for perfection, stressing about whatever not being good enough, because it gave me time to notice and be aware of those moments that are just naturally and organically perfect. Yes...I know I sound gushy and lululala. Overly joyful. Optimistic. All of those things. It's just sometimes it's nice to remind yourself how perfect this life has been and how there's many more moments of perfection ahead. It's nice to be thankful for this.
So...what else? I didn't watch the debate Wednesday night. I decided to have sex instead, which I felt was a better use of my time. I also knew that I wouldn't gain anything from watching the debate. I am voting for Hillary. The debate doesn't change my views. I still feel that Trump is a misogynistic bully and it makes me really sad that so many people in the country think that this man "speaks their language". That just means that there are too many people in this country who are also misogynistic bullies. I'm thankful that I didn't subject myself to listening to any more of his hate filled hatefulness. Robin and her friend are visiting us this weekend and I can't wait to see her face and squeeze it! I'm thankful that they can come up and spend some time with us. I am thankful for roasted veggies and evening dog walks. I am thankful for a productive week at work and at home.
I am thankful for you.
Hope you have a perfectly Thankful Friday!