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Kansas City MO 64131





Cindy Maddera

I keep having to remind myself that today is Tuesday and I'm writing this post early because I'll be on a plane all day on Thursday. All signs point to this really being Wednesday. My Wednesday meal got bumped to Tuesday because Michael is taking the Cabbage to her gymnastics class. This also means that I have the house to myself and will get some packing done. I usually don't start packing until the night before a trip. Not because I'm a procrastinator, but because I want to be sure to have all clothing possibilities. The pants I wore Monday will be washed just in case I want them for Friday. That kind of thing. When I sat down to write an entry for Love Thursday, I thought about just leaving it and putting up a "gone fishing" sign. An evening to myself changed my mind.

On Saturday mornings I tend to get up earlier than everyone in the house. Sometimes I go grocery shopping or to yoga. If I go grocery shopping I stop in at Coffee Girls for an Americano and a bagel. I think I've talked about this here before. It used to be my little secret. When asked I would say I just stopped for a bagel. I never said that I sit with my journal and linger over my cup of coffee while savoring that bagel. It seemed like something that I should not admit to, like it would hurt others' feelings because I was off on my own. A few Saturdays back, Michael and I had plans to kayak out at a local lake. We were also in the middle of a cleansing diet and needed someplace that would be open early with an appropriate breakfast. I mentioned that Coffee Girls offers smoothies and juices, so that's where we headed. While we waited for smoothies, I told Michael that this is where I go to get my Saturday bagel and the following week when it came time to do grocery shopping Michael said "You want to go with out me? You could get a bagel." Suddenly, my solitary morning rituals seemed a thing I no longer needed to keep secret.

During that time between Chris and Michael, I got comfortable being alone. I learned to be still and confident while eating at a table for one. I was relaxed in my solidarity. I enjoyed being an observer. Those quiet Saturday mornings are my reminder, my lesson in being alone so I don't forget. That Saturday, I sat at the bar that faces the east windows. The sun was glaring through the window, but I wanted to sit in the light. The guy with the laptop who is always there had set up his office at the large square table behind me. His journal was open and I peeked a glance at it over my shoulder. It was filled with sketches. I watched a young couple walk by pushing a toddler in a stroller. I watched an older couple walk by in the other direction walking their dog. I inhaled the scent of good coffee and I felt the sun warm on my face. I rolled my shoulders down my back and lifted my heart to the sun and completely surrendered to being alone. 

Today for Love Thursday, we celebrate moments of solitude. See you guys next week!