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Kansas City MO 64131





Cindy Maddera

Remember how I woke up with that song in my head and I couldn't figure out what the song was? Yesterday, I sat down at my desk and started singing "dreeahhmin', dreamin' is free" and I had a complete Ah Ha! moment. It was Blondie, not the Go-Go's, singing in my head. Dreaming is free y'all, not breathing. Though breathing could also be free. I'll tell you what was happening while that song was playing in my head. I was dreaming. I was in a convertible with the top down and a chic scarf on my head. We were on a road trip and that's the song that was playing on the radio. So I woke up with an urge to chew some bubble gum and bye some new sunglasses all while snapping my fingers to the tune of Dreaming. 

April stems from the Latin word aperire, which means 'to open'. All of the tulips that had seemed to be opening up one by one around here are now all open and in full bloom, all of them saying "Hello!" to April and the landscape has taken on that dreamy Monet look. Because in a very cliche way, April began with showers. The pastel pinks and the vibrant greens are viewed through a layer of mist, making it all look like one big watercolor painting. The crazy awful dreams of March have been replaced with lazy daydreams while staring out the open window. Are you beginning to sense a theme? April is the month to open everything up. 

I feel like I've been closed up all winter. I have the tendency to shut myself off from the cold and from the dark memories of the past. My shoulders feel hunched, my chest concave from crawling inward and curling into a ball. Yet, I've noticed that rolling myself out of that ball has been more difficult than usual. It has left me prickly and annoyed and lacking patience. Patience. That's the piece that seems to be the triangle supporting the teeter totter of life. Those tulips didn't just pop out of the ground and pop open. They pushed their way slowly up through the dirt and then rested in buds for weeks before finally opening up. I should be like the tulips and have more patience. 

Last night all of us went down to see the chickens. Michael lifted the Cabbage up so she could stand on the table and look down into the bin at the (rapidly growing) chicks. After we talked and petted each one, the Cabbage's mom said "OK, let's get going." and plucked her off the table. The Cabbage started begging for one more look as soon as her feet hit the basement floor. She whined and begged as we all made our way towards the basement stairs. Finally I gave in. I lifted her up and said "OK, I'm going to count to five and then we are done looking at the chickens." I slowly counted to five, the Cabbage counting along with me as she dangled her hand in the box. When we got to five, I lifted her off the table without any complaining or whining. All it took was just a few more seconds of patience.

Today I will be open to being more patient with those around me. Today I will be open to being more patient with myself. Happy Love Thursday.