I've been reading around a bit and one thing I've noticed is that the winter has been pretty hard on folks. I'm not talking about the weather. Yes, it has been cold. Yes, there has been ice and/or snow, and yes, there have been moments when we thought it would never be warm(ish) again. I've noticed that the winter has been particularly hard for those who suffer from depression. I have always been prone to the winter blues, but only mildly. Of course, when Chris died those mild winter blues turned into something more than mild. For the last three winters there have been times when I've had the conversation with myself about the possibility of medicinal help. I think "is this the year?", but by the time I think about getting help usually things start to look a little brighter. I have not reached that level of depression where I feel nothing. There have been moments when I have felt too sad to get out of bed, but at least I was feeling sad. My breaking point would be when I don't even feel sad any more. And let's face it. There's been plenty of things for me to feel sad about and some of those things correspond with Winter. I feel like it's OK for me to be sad. It's like that episode of the Simpsons when Lisa is sad and Marge starts to tell her to put a smile on her face even if she doesn't feel like. Marge changes her mind about that and tells Lisa "if you're sad, just be sad. it's OK". There's such a push for happiness. Happiness projects and finding bliss. These are all well and good, but the reasons these type of projects even exits is because someone felt not happy first. I am grateful for my daily happiness project because it forces me during those bad times to find something. But I am also grateful that I have not reached the point where medication is necessary.
Maybe it has something to do with days I've been able to ride the scooter again. Maybe it has something to do with the weather that has allowed for those scooter rides, but I feel like that sad haze is lifting. You never realize just how heavy that haze can be until it finally lifts up and away. I am grateful for the lightness. I am grateful for the ease at which a smile comes to my face these days. I am grateful for the scooter rides. I am thankful for the smile that's been on Michael's face this week when he's come home from baseball practice. I am thankful for my mat. And I am forever thankful for you. Here's to a fabulous weekend and a truly Thankful Friday!