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Kansas City MO 64131






Cindy Maddera


Sometimes in the mornings when I've finished getting ready, I crawl into bed with Michael. He's a snooze button pusher. I know I've got five minutes, at least, of his snooze time. Most times he's on his stomach. So when I climb in, I just curl up next to him. If he's on his side, we'll spoon, my back to his chest. I wait to feel his arm snake around my waste. I anticipate that feeling. Except it never happens. Instead he places his hand on my hip. He has told me that this is his favorite part of my body. There's something about that space that is, for the most part covered by the sides of my underwear, that he finds attractive. He feels this way about that area in general. He says it's the part you never really see. Meaning that movies and some cable TV shows are bound to show a woman's bare breasts or her backside, but usually that spot on the hip is a side thought, hidden by lacy underwear. The media has been telling men what is attractive for years. Women too. Men like petite girls with very large breast, a tiny waste, and long slim legs. Barbie. We are beginning to see a slight trend to move away from this, but not really in terms of sexual attraction. Pornography and even romance novels depict the lead character as buxom and lithe. The sexual attraction is linked to breast size. If you're a woman who has been gifted large breast, you've endured numerous ogelings and probably countless cat calls. I have even put up with my fair share of men talking to my boobs instead of my face. The images displayed in the media of what they think we should find sexy are not a reality. The reality of sexy has little to do with appearance and more about the kindness and generosity towards your partner.

I think what is charming about Michael's hip attraction is that it almost seems old fashion. I mean, his reasoning for his attraction is that it's an are of skin that is rarely seen. It's an area of the hip that is covered with cloth. It's not the usual body part that we've been told to find sexy. There was a time when the sight of a woman's ankle was the thing to put men in a tither or an ungloved hand sent him over the edge. The ankle and wrist are small simple places on the body and at the time, an area of the skin rarely seen. There's something romantic about that. There are areas of my body that make me cringe, a bit of a fat roll here or there. Please don't touch or pat my belly. But if I angle my body a certain way, I will say that there's something slightly attractive about my hip and the slope it takes as it leads into my thigh. It is a spot that doesn't make me cringe when touched. There's something to be said about the confidence that builds. I've always heard that confident women are sexy. I noticed that when I was taking a daily selfie for a 365 day project that I saw things about my body that were not as bad as I had imagined. I grew more confident in my self image. I defined what made me sexy, attractive, vulnerable and beautiful. It's been a long time since I've gone out of my way to take those kinds of pictures of myself. It may be time for me to redefine what makes me all of those things. Just maybe not with pictures.

For now, I will take those moments of snooze time and delight in the weight of his hand resting on my hip and the knowledge that he finds me attractive. Happy Love Thursday.