Tuesday morning, when the alarm went off and I felt a familiar heaviness in my body, I turned the alarm off and went back to sleep. I slept until 9:30, which is something I haven't done voluntarily in I don't know how long. I spent the day on the couch watching movies on Netflix, knitting a scarf for Michael, and drinking hot tea. I did wash the sheets and the bathmat, but that was the only housework I allowed myself to do. Every once in a while the guilt balloon would float up, but I'd mentally bounce it away. When Michael came home from work he asked me what I did all day, but before I could answer he added "It's OK to say 'nothing'". That guilt balloon popped. And then he said "Sometimes, we just need a day to ourselves." This is a lesson I know and have, in fact, taught to my yoga students. Yet here I was learning it again from a man who never stops moving (even in his sleep - those arms are lethal weapons on an unconscious body). We all need a day to ourselves every now and then, some time to recharge those batteries. I realized that I hadn't had this kind of time to myself since the last time I was out sick with a sinus infection. What was that? August? Before Michael officially moved in. I knew that Amy's wedding would be the start of the ball for me. Like a snowball rolling down the mountain. I just didn't realize that mountain was going to be so tall or that snowball would pick up so much momentum and extra snow. Of course half it was all planned before I introduced two new people into the pile and moved them into my life without so much of a blink of an eye or before we knew we'd be putting Dad in a home. I have transitioned from Summer to Fall in a blur, a blur of mostly good with flecks of sad tossed in here and there. But even the good things need some time for contemplation. There's just been so little time for any of that. So...that snowball flattened me and I let it.
I love that I gave myself that day to recharge. I love that I've learned to be a bit more lenient with myself. It's taken time and it continues to be a daily practice. But I think I've finally learned to lay still for minute to allow that snowball to roll on over before I get back up, brush the snow off and start again.
Happy Love Thursday.