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Kansas City MO 64131






Cindy Maddera


Michael asked me the other night why am I not blogging. Then I typed that sentence and stared at a blinking cursor for ten minutes. And that's why I'm not blogging. No...I'm still collecting my thoughts from my time with mom in Ireland. I am also wading through and editing the two hundred and something photos I took while we were there. I have been planning to replace my fifteen year old MacBook since January. Yesterday, Michael decided that it was time I do just that. Finally I have the tools I've been missing for photo editing. Today I removed power lines from a picture on a screen bigger than my phone and I nearly cried with joy. Something I've noticed though as I go through the pictures is that there's not a whole lot of editing that I really need to do. All that time of training myself to just take a good picture to begin with has paid off. I think I've fallen in love with my camera again. It's going to take me some time to get to a place where I can show you some of those pictures. I came home with dreams of roasting tomatoes, Tibetan Roast, and apple pies. We bought a whole box of tomatoes yesterday at the Farmers' Market and I've spent the day roasting tomatoes in batches, making ghee and homemade pie crust for an apple pie. Right now I'm taking a little break and thinking about starting on that Tibetan Roast and listening to the sound of someone else mowing the yard. It turned cold here on Saturday. I say it's cold; it's cold for me. I've worn my new wool socks all day. The house is cozy from the warmth of the oven and smells like roasted garlic and apple pie. It's been the kind of Sunday I can get used to.

But it's turned me a bit reflective and I feel like crawling inside a small space to think. I have words that are stuck at the top of my heart and I lack the skills to extract them. I feel everything is so big in my life right now, filled to the brim with goodness, bittersweet, love, and sadness. It's filled with holding on and letting go. I'm left sitting here trying to wrap my brain around how to express it all. I'm turing into a sappy person with feelings I didn't even know I was capable of having and remembering how mom and I cried as our plane took off from Dublin. I want to remember all of it, not just the trip but all of these things. All the little moments of goodness. I want to trap them in a snow globe so that every time I shake it, I see all the memories swirling around like a blizzard.

But I wanted you all to know that I am still here. That I'm here safe inside my little house and being well cared for. And his reward will be apple pie.