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Kansas City MO 64131






Cindy Maddera


Michael and I have talked about the future. In particular, we've talked about living together. I think couples should move in together on neutral territory and so we've talked about buying a house. We've talked about what we'd both want in a new home like how many bedrooms or what side of the state line (Missouri). The Cabbage needs a room of her own and we both need our own space. These are the things that we just put out there, things to think about and talk about until we actually really make a decision. We figured we'd make that decision closer to the time his lease is up for renewal in late winter. Saturday, after we had the scooters serviced, we rode around some of the neighborhoods we both liked and looked at houses for sell. We just wanted to see. Just window shopping. We rode the scooters all over the place, stopping at one house or another. We'd walk around some of the houses and peek into the windows and talk about the things we liked and didn't like about that particular home. Where would the garden go? What about chickens? Important things. We looked at several houses and then we found the one. We found that house that we wanted to buy. The perfect house. It was the kind of house that made us bump up that time frame for decision making. It made us talk about budgets and saving and how much easier that would be if we were living in my house with the car payment sized mortgage. It made him look for loop holes in his lease and it made me clean out drawer and closet space. And during those moments of our planning, when I'd look at him with panicky eyes, he'd grab my hand and say "I'm just ready to get on with the rest of our life."

And so am I. That stuff we did on Saturday? That's the kind of thing Chris and I used to do. I even took a picture that day that reminded my of pictures I'd taken of me and Chris. Michael is not Chris, but I don't look any less happy in that picture. Part of me wants to be terrified at how fast we're going forward with this. He hasn't met any of my people and I've only met a handful of his. But I know what right feels like. This feels right and that's what makes these decisions so easy. I've come to realize that loving someone new is not the scary part. The scary part is letting myself give and take and to let someone share in my daily tasks of life like mowing the yard and taking out the garbage or paying bills. I feel like I'd gotten really good at being on my own and it took hard lessons and practice to get there. There's a tiny voice in the back of my brain that says "what if you have to teach yourself that stuff all over again?". what if I do? And that my friends is the first time I've ever won the What If Game.

Happy Love Thursday!