I have met someone and before everyone gets all googly eyed and star-crossed over this, I unfortunately have to say it's probably over. I got the "it's not you, it's me" text yesterday morning. At first I was really really mad. I got mad for a number of reasons, the first of which was his decision to use text as his way to communicate important things regarding this relationship. I think that's a pretty cowardly move on his part. I got mad because his texts seemed so bi-polar to his actions. I got mad because he initiated all of this and then freaked out. But mostly I got mad because I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I liked him (still kind of do). I was mad at myself for liking this guy and falling for the whole googly eyed act. It made me feel like a schmuck. But then I thought "Wait! I feel something for a guy!". Up until this moment, I've pretty much felt nothing while on dates. I'd recoil and cringe on the inside whenever one of those guys touched me. I was beginning to think that there was something seriously wrong with me. Turns out, I'm not all dead on the inside. That's actually a good feeling to know. Yes...I'm disappointed and his rejection still kind of stings a bit but I know why he did it. Poor guy is scared and cowardice is a total turn off for someone like me. I tend to be pretty dang fearless. Also, I know more than most just how short life can be and how every moment is important. This is a lesson he hasn't had to really learn. I wish him luck (even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't ever read the blog) and I give him thanks. I'm grateful for his brief presence in my life because it showed me that I am capable of caring for another man. I'm grateful for those silly joyful feelings. Those feelings sure were fun while they lasted. See? There's an up side to everything and I'm grateful that I have the presence of mind to see this.
I'm also grateful to those who had to listen to me bitch and moan over this whole thing. You guys never fail in making me feel loved and supported. When I voiced that I had guilt for liking someone other than Chris, you guys jumped right in there to reassure me that all of these feelings were OK and valid. That really means the world to me. There's not a better feeling than knowing the people who love you have your back. All of you know how much it means to me to wish good things for you, but it feels pretty dang awesome to know that you want the same things for me. I am thankful for this.
So...here's to a restorative weekend and a truly Thankful Friday!