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Kansas City MO 64131






Cindy Maddera


Someone told me recently that my online dating profile made it look like I was looking for sex. I was completely dumbfounded by this. I had no idea this is what men thought when they read my profile. He said it was because of the way I’d answered some of the questions, like would I have sex on the first date? or sex vs love? I’d said “yes” to the first one and “sex” for the second. I am so naive that I didn’t think about the consequences of answering these questions honestly. Now I suddenly understand why I was constantly being hit on by the twenty something crowd. But also it reminded me of what irritated me about online dating. Those questions they give you and expect you to answer are stupid. I think I’ve talked about the saying yes to sex on the first date question before. They don’t give you a maybe option, just yes or no. Actually, all of the questions seem really black and white. It’s either this or that and no maybes or exceptions. Remember in elementary or middle school when someone would pass you a note saying “do you like so-and-so? yes or no”? That’s what the online dating questions remind me of. It is the equivalent to circling a yes or a no. The problem I have is that I feel like sometimes (well, most times really) there are no absolute yes or no answers to things. Life just doesn’t work that way.

The question that I really had the hardest time answering was “what’s more important? Sex or Love?” I answered sex, but not because I think it’s more important than love. I think sex is a very important part of a relationship. The top three things that I think couples fight about most are money, sex and the inability to read minds. The money and sex fights are usually centered around not having enough. Sex can make or break a relationship. If someone isn’t getting what they need from the bedroom side of the relationship, there’s going to be problems. So yeah, I choose sex over love only because I don’t see a relationship progressing past friendship if the sex isn’t right. But that’s not the answer I can sum up in a yes or no type question.

I didn’t answer too many of those questions on the dating site because I found them tedious and not really a good judge of anything. I don’t even look at the answers of others that contact me. Mostly I think people answer them the way they think someone else would want them to answer them. They’re not a true judge of character. They don’t tell the whole story. And I prefer the whole story.