This weekend I got drunk and ordred a pizza. I watched What To Expect When You're Expecting. I went to breakfast at You Say Tomato. I went to the City Market and bought a rosemary plant (mine didn't survive the winter). I spent $100 on six items at Target (why are razors so dang expensive? Now I remember why I've been using the same one for almost a year.). I went to a tie-dye party (The Lange's are crazy serious about their tie-dye). I wore maxi skirts and dresses all weekend (No pants!). I washed clothes and hung them on the line to dry. I made ghee and cleaned the house. I put clean sheets on the bed and started crying. I watched another movie on Netflix and started crying. I drove down to get Chinese take out and started crying. I cried as I drove back to the house with my veggie fried rice and I cried while munching on my fortune cookie. Apparently I have leaky eye syndrom. I'd like to blame it on the tree pollen. Hormones. The amount of soy in my diet. Blame has to be put on something. I'd like to tell you what's going on in my brain right now but I don't even know what's going on inside there. Every thing is coated in a dark goo. I keep trying to come up with ways to clean myself up, distracting myself with shiny objects. I wore my new favorite dress with sexy shoes to work thinking if I looked good I'd feel good. I have peeled all of the skin off my lips. They are a bloody scabby mess. I have eaten all the wrong foods and my C2-5K program has stalled out somewhere in the middle of week 3. I just keep starting over with day one of week 3. The only thing I've been consistent with is my yoga practice. It is the only place where I seem to find pure joy and probably the only thing keeping me from melding myself to this couch.
So...here's the plan. I'm giving myself this week to wallow and be silent. I won't be posting here this week, but I will stick to my daily happiness project on my tumbler page. Next weekend I will be traveling home for time a wedding and time with my family. I think I'll do a juice or plain old cleansing diet when I get back. Clean up the goo. Come back with a better attitude. I promise.