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Kansas City MO 64131






Cindy Maddera


This morning, I hopped onto my scooter only to find that the back tire was too low for me to ride. That tire became a reflection of my mood. I brooded in the car as Chris drove me to work. I pouted as I stomped up the stairs to my office. I scowled as I cleaned microscopes. I imagined a dark thunder cloud forming over my head, lightning shooting out in several directions, and I realized that this storm has been brewing for some time now. It's that time of year were my mood turns adolescent. I hate my hair. I hate my body (there is nothing wrong with my body). I hate my clothes (there is probably something wrong with my clothes). I feel ugly and unattractive. I'm tired and lazy and un-creative. I am this close to ringing my eyes with the thickest layer of black eyeliner, adorning my black leggings and a Rage Against the Machine t-shirt, then crawling under the covers and only listening to The Cure or Morrissey. This mood settles in every year at this time, probably because of the weather change and the time change. I also used to always have a sinus infection this time of year that would last for weeks and weeks.

This time of year also seems to move faster. Once Halloween hits, it's a mad dash to the finish line. I am reminded just how unprepared I am for the end of the year. I call it scramble time, but this year I plan on changing that. I'm going to shake it off and shake it out, sit back and relax. I think I've done plenty for this year and I know all the year-end loose ends will tie themselves up neatly in a bow with no worries.

So. Shake it out.