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Kansas City MO 64131






Cindy Maddera


Ever have one of those moments that send your head swirling back in time. I had one today. A long time ago I had this really good friend I'd hang out with, named Amy. Amy had this older brother. I won't call him a boy. He was a guy. A really cool guy. He drove this big old Lincoln and he'd take us to concerts. Concerts for bands you never heard of. I'm pretty sure he introduced me to the Flaming Lips. He was tall and lanky. He had really large hands and he was...just cool. He's the type of guy you'd have a crush on, the kind of crush you have for a celebrity. Amy and I and a gaggle of friends would travel around in the backseat of his big ole car and I'd feel cool just by association. That guy committed suicide over the weekend. My sister told me this morning. And the biggest thing I feel is guilt. I let Amy and her family drift away, when she was one of those people I should have kept track of. I did a really good job of distancing myself from the small town I grew up in. I barely remember 90% of the ones who contact me on facebook. I think it's because there were so few people there that I ever let see my authentic self. I learned early on the reward for voicing opinions different from those around me was hate mail. It's easier now to be me and not being around those people from my past means I don't have to pretend to be the person they think I should be.

But Amy was one of the few. And I feel really ashamed for losing touch with her. I know that our friendship could not have saved her brother. And I know there's not much of any thing that I could say to her to make it better. But I've got strong shoulders and good ears and sometimes that's all someone who's hurting needs. Please keep her and her family in your thoughts and send them loving thoughts.