Yesterday, I went to yoga class and it was the first time I'd been on my mat in four days. By the time I got home I was exhausted and had to take a nap while Chris made dinner. My nightly chore list seemed to be impossible even though the chore list is designed to give me only one task a night (clean the bathroom, vacuum, etc). I dragged myself through each one, but skipped my morning practice to sleep in an extra hour. The whole time, I've had this part of my brain that keeps telling me to "get up! you lazy bitch!". Some of you may remember when I did the Yoga Body Diet back in January and had to figure out my Dosha and how all these years I'd thought of myself as a Kapha. To compensate for the belief that I have a tendency to be lazy (Kapha), I've become a bit of an overachiever (also known as Vata). So while I've had that nag sitting on one side of my brain, there's the other side of my brain telling me it's OK to slow down a bit. I know I have some things going on with my body this week that requires me to get a little extra rest. I think the real struggle is being OK with being...OK.
At what point did we learn that no matter what we were doing, it just wasn't enough? Because this is what it all really comes down to, knowing that we are enough. It's not like any of us just do nothing all day. I work, I exercise thirty minutes every day, I cook dinner (usually), I do a chore, feed the dog and take him out for his front yard patrol. Why should I feel like I should be doing more? Isn't this enough? I say it is. I say that we are all enough. I say that we cut ourselves a bit of slack and stop being our own worse critics. Because no matter what, even on our lazy days, we are still loved.
Happy Love Thursday.