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Kansas City MO 64131





Cindy Maddera

A long time ago, before college, I was very bold. I pushed myself to do things I really didn't feel comfortable doing like getting on stage or speaking in public. I did all of this in the name of scholarship. I was willing to withstand the knotty stomach if it meant that I was going to get out of the small little town where I lived.

Once I got to college, I didn't have to do those things any more. I didn't have to assert myself or entertain. I just had to be and this was a relief. But maybe not such a good idea. When I realized that I would be attending BlogHer alone and traveling by myself to New York, I was suddenly gripped with fear. How was I going to do this? How would I ever be able to talk to anyone? I had let myself fall into Wallflower Status.

But something strange happened in the weeks leading up to BlogHer. In panic mode, I impulsively contacted Chookooloonks through chat to ask her about business cards. And that one little act or seed started to grow. When the actual BlogHer event started, I was talking and handing out business cards right and left, meeting new people, laughing and joking, and joining in. I almost didn't recognize myself. So, when I finally made it to the front of the line for Karen's booth at the Gala, I knew exactly what I wanted her to paint on me. (Photo graciously taken by Kizz.)

Then I was on a roll. Talaura and I participated in the Yoko Ono's instruction piece entitled "Scream" at MOMA. One of the best parts about this was hearing all the other screams as we strolled down the stairs and out the door. We had started the ball rolling and it felt really good.

Then, while we were strolling around Central Park, we came across this little stage. I decided that this was the perfect time to mark number 39, sing on stage, off of my Life List.

OK, so it wasn't my best performance and my audience included a small group of skateboarders, Talaura, and Kizz. But I did it. And I really think I needed this week of boldness. I needed that nudge, that kick in the pants, because I came home knowing that I am ready. For whatever comes this way.