Recently I dreamed that J was still alive (there's been a lot of dreaming lately for some odd reason). In the dream, J had been alive this whole time. He was just hiding, like playing a game of hide-n-seek. The thing is I can totally see him playing hide-n-seek for four straight years.
I thought for sure that there would come a day when J would no longer visit me in my dreams and maybe that day will come. I am thankful that I no longer have the nightmares and that those ended a few years ago. The dreams that come now, which are few and far between, are simple ones just like J himself.