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Kansas City MO 64131





Cindy Maddera

I think I'm mostly recovered from the yuck, just feeling a little sluggish. I am amazed at my recovery time from this latest sinus infection. I'm used to these things dragging on for days until I finally break down and go to the doctor for a shot and antibiotics. When my usual drug of choice Alca-Zelter made me sick to my stomach, I had to come up with a new plan. The cure combination came down to grapefruit seed extract nasal spray, my Neti pot, and Thera-Flu sinus and cold. I strongly recommend this combination. By the end of the day my throat had gone from serious ouch to merely scratchy. This sinus infection kind of snuck up on me. I can usually tell when I'm the verge of one, but this one slammed in by surprise attack. I know it's from a build up of stress. This weekend is the last teacher training for session one. Not only do I have a test, but I also have to teach twenty minutes of a class I designed with a partner. I'm totally surprised at how confident I feel about teaching in general. The classes I teach at work are a breeze. But there's something about teaching to my peers that has me slightly freaked. Also, as seems to be the case with every teacher training, I feel unprepared. I've taught my routine to my class here twice. Both times, it was fine. Chris quizzed me on my study guide last night. I know the answers. I really doubt that she'll actually fail any of us.

I think I still kind of feel like a poser. Like I have a split personality. There's the me that still likes to go out and get tipsy sometimes. The me that loves to say inappropriate words like "fuck". It's the same me who doesn't believe in all the voodoo holistic remedies. I know for a fact those detox foot pads do nothing. I am a scientist with a scientist brain. And then I go to teacher training weekends where I become yogi Cindy. And I'm all "Yeah...that salt bath really cleaned my energy man". I suppose there's just some part of my brain that says I'm not enough. And you know what? The most important thing I've learned from yoga teacher training is its OK. My teacher said once that people who get it, who have mastered the eight limbs of yoga, don't teach. They live on an ashram or a monastery or a cave somewhere. Though teaching is no longer part of my personal yoga time, it is part of my practice or path to better understanding.

I'm ready for this to be over.