So, I had a minor melt down over the weekend that involved my very own personal flaming tantrum of death. I don't think that even I had realized how much I had been holding in until it all came out in a screaming blubbering snot flying fit. Oh yeah... I was screaming. I don't scream and really for the most part, I don't cry. Combining the two was a very rare event. Could have sold tickets; it was that shocking. What was this tantrum about you ask? The fit was about how much I hated living in Mrs. Swan's home. Which now that I look back at the tantrum, it seems a tad bit silly. But only a tad bit. Chris didn't realize I was so miserable and probably would never have known if I hadn't had the mother-of-all melt downs. After he got me calmed down and the snot mopped up, he told me that when we returned from Oregon, we would sit down put together a real budget. We will start "operation prepare to move".
And you know what? I've never felt better. Things have been great even with Mrs. Swan (who wasn't present for the show, but I'm starting wonder if she heard the tail end of it). The next morning she asked me to go washer and dryer shopping with her. She bought a new washer and dryer! A really good set and hopefully they'll be delivered today. She actually ate dinner with us last night instead of turning her nose up at what ever I had made. She talks to me a little bit more, like actual conversation talking. And... and... I bought a new pair of jeans that fit and they're a size 10! I've never been a size 10. The tag in my HS senior prom dress says 12. I have to admit that putting those jeans on and buttoning them with out sucking in, brought tears to my eyes.
So... things could be worse right? I have roof over my head and Chris and Hooper. And I told Chris this. I'm happy and in a good place right now, but that doesn't mean I want to stay. It means I've found a way to live with where we are now. Later is a whole other story.