WHY I NEVER HAVE TO GO BACK

Chris and I had to go to Wal-Mart yesterday to pick up the rest of his niece’s birthday present and peanut butter (Peter Pan’s new PB made with honey…and crack). They’ve opened up a new super store about two miles from us, but we’d still rather drive across town to one of the other Wal-Mart’s than go to this one. The parking lot of the new one was designed by monkeys and it’s so crowded. Yesterday seemed worse than usual. People were every where pushing their carts down the middle of the isle or on the left (we don’t live in England! Do you drive left out on the street?). Eventually we made it over to the grocery side. I reached up to touch some baby soda cans and they shocked me so hard I felt it in my elbow. From that point on every thing I touched, and I mean everything, shocked me. By the time we were headed out the door to the car, Chris and I were grumbling and talking about moving out of state.

We had parked right next to one of the cart corrals, which you would think would be convenient. I thought it was until I rammed our cart into another cart and busted a light bulb all over myself. Apparently there was a light bulb in the child seat part of the front cart and when I pushed our cart into it, the child seat folded up smashing the bulb. Glass flew up all over me along with this whitish powder that I’m going to believe to be phosphorous (possibly Anthrax). Chris grabbed my arm to see if I was OK. I guess I looked a little freaked, but it did scare me. I had glass bits sprayed all over me and a few tiny cuts on my hands and arm. Chris was livid. He yelled at me to get in the car and “don’t touch anythingâ€?. When we got home he carefully peeled my clothes off and made me take a shower. He was yelling and cursing the whole time. It was great. And now, I never have to go back to the store ever again ‘cause Chris said that he would do any Wal-Mart shopping at 2:00AM from now on.