SLEEPLESS IN OKLAHOMA

Chris sleeps on the couch. He sleeps on the couch because he loves me. We are incompatible sleepers. I go to bed early; he goes to bed late. His snores could wake people across town and I’m a very light sleeper. Despite all of this, I decided recently that the separate sleeping thing was wrong. The couch is way uncomfortable and recent heating costs have our thermostat set on 60 so it’s way too cold for him out there. Plus, I feel bad. We are a married couple. We should sleep in the same bed. The experiment has been going on for almost a month and it doesn’t look good. Some nights are better than others. I bought some plastic ear-plugs that I smash into my ear, but they aren’t snore proof like the box suggests. I think I could get used to the snoring if muted through the ear-plugs, but the constant jerking as if he’s been electrocuted thing has to stop. He has no idea he’s doing it and it shakes the whole bed.

The other problem is I probably only sleep a good four hours a night anyway. I usually start waking up and checking the clock around 2:30-3:00 AM and this is generally the time Chris comes to bed. It was so bad this morning that, at 3:45, I tried to tie a sock around his head in order to keep his jaw closed. The sock was too small. Chris ended up back on the couch. Of course, once he was on the couch he stopped snoring. AaaHHHHH!!!

I think I’m going to have to start medicating myself, but I swear as God is my witness, Chris will never sleep on the couch again! We will fix this…somehow.