Saturday, we all gathered together to celebrate the life of Chris Maddera. And it was spectacular. My heart is full of so much love and laughter and yes, there were tears, but the laughter is what I’ll hold onto the longest. Chris made me laugh every day we were together. I see it only fitting
My dad called me Monday to say that he was just outside of Coffeeville and wanted to know if he could sleep on my couch and then if I’d like to drive with him to Omaha on Tuesday. I thought this sounded like a brilliant idea. I’d never been to Omaha. And so we went.
Someone contacted me yesterday to see how I was doing. She said I’d been too quiet on the internet. I really haven’t had much to say and even now I’m not sure. I had a weekend full of family and friends. Full of laughter and love and even a few tears. Now I’m alone, adjusting.
Currently I am holed up in my bedroom. I’m hiding really. I’m thinking about not leaving this bed until they come and take his body from the living room. The shell that’s left is not my Chris. My Chris decided to leave here this morning, pretty soon after I had gotten to work. Before I
Chris and I have always said that any year you survive, is a year worth celebrating. Plus, celebrating Chris’s birthday was on my list of things to do and you know me and to-do lists. Check. Check. Check. I can’t say that it’s been a fireworks and fun house sort of birthday celebration, but I
We had been sent home to die. At least that’s how it felt when our oncologist suggested hospice care. They don’t want to do chemo because his liver is not functioning. And we had a week of preparing for death. One night we laid in bed and talked about ashes. But then I started thinking
I called a plumber. Last night, after it was brought to my attention that there was no way I could get a rented 100 ft drain snake into my car let alone down into my basement by myself, I called a plumber. I am still amazed at the relief that washed over me as I
Cancer is a fucking asshole. In the last week and a half, I’ve had a crash course in all things suckage that is cancer. It’s a gremlin that wants to come in and tear apart everything. It wrecks any sense of schedule and routine to smithereens. Suddenly easy to grab crap foods are consumed and
Chris is home! The shower is fixed! Chris still has cancer! Wait…that’s not really all that awesome. Forgive me. I’m still having a hard time forming complete sentences. Chris is doing better. He still has internal shunts draining bile from his liver. His bilirubin levels are dropping and the liver doctor seems pleased with his
Poorly Differentiated Adenocarcenoma. Thems big words. Words that will never stop ringing in my ears, but maybe I need to rewind and fill in some gaps. Chris has been suffering from what we thought to be Hepatitis A for over a month now. Early Friday morning, the pain became too much for him so I
