When Michael and I first met, we’d gone on two dates (technically three) before I went out of town for Amy’s wedding. It was during this time that we had, what Michael refers to as, a hiccup. That whole “I need space” episode. When I went to Chicago for BlogHer, he bought a scooter. When I went home for Katrina that weekend, he wrecked his car. It became a joke between us that every time I left town with out him, he did something crazy, stupid, or crazy and stupid. We laughed about the possible shenanigans that he could get into while I was away for a week, but part of me worried too. Would I come home to broken bones or holes in the walls or a burnt out kitchen? I mean, I haven’t known this man for very long. Should I trust him to take care of things and not screw around while I was gone for seven days? Could I? Take out all the other words from that sentence and leave it with “could I trust?”. Really, that’s what it all boils down too.
How long do you need to know a person before you really trust them? That’s a completely rhetorical question because trust has little to do with time. I recognize that there are different kinds of trust. I tend to fall into that blind trust category of people, also known as gullible. If the category existed, I would have been voted “most likely to hand over car keys to a complete stranger if said stranger asked to borrow my car”. Of course that stranger would bring back my car. Well…I say that. In that time between Chris and now, I find myself less trusting or there are more doubts. But those doubts and mistrusts are more towards myself. It’s not that I mistrust Michael. It’s that I mistrust my faith in believing that things will be OK. I was told once that worrying about bad things happening was like wishing for them to happen. It’s not that I worry about the bad things happening as much as I no longer trust for them NOT to happen. Here’s the thing though. At some point I have to just throw my arms out for that trust fall. Leaving for seven days was, in a sense, my trust fall.
Michael bought a truck while I was gone. I don’t think that was particularly crazy or stupid. He needed to replace his car and the small truck is a practical choice. It turns out that I can trust him to take care of things when I’m out of town. I am thankful that there were no broken bones or burnt out kitchens. I am thankful that he finally replaced his wrecked car. I am thankful that he’s gotten so good at being the catcher in my trust falls. But more importantly, I am thankful that I can trust this man with my heart and that has been the hardest fall for me to make.
I am thankful for weather that has allowed roof top yoga and scooter riding. I am thankful for an easy transition back into work after a week away. I’m thankful to be back here, writing again. And I am thankful for you and your kind thoughts and kind words. Here’s to a beautiful weekend, but a truly Thankful Friday.