The other day in my creative journaling, I drew a large tree. The roots were thick and dug deep into the earth. The canopy of the tree was full and lush. Sure it looked like a small child had drawn and colored the tree, but it’s my tree and my journal. When I began to write words under the tree I thought they would be words about wanting Spring. I do want Spring and Summer and warm sunny days. I want to sit out under a big leafy tree. I want my flip flops. I want to ride my scooter. I want all of those things, but that’s not what I ended up writing about. Instead I found myself drawn to those big fat roots and how they anchored the tree into the ground.
I have spent the last few days with dates of a calender swirling around me. I think there’s something planned for every weekend in March. I’ve filled in dates of things I know will be happening and I’ve circled dates for tentative things that will be happening. Everyday the calender seems to get a bit more full. The planning and scheduling has made me a little panicky. The other night I dreamed that I forgot Stephanie’s birthday. I didn’t forget it was her birthday, but I forgot that this particular day was April 2nd. In my dream I thought it was still April 1st. I hurried and sent her a text of the present I had just sent in the mail. It was a book call the Tao of Happy. Stephanie…that book doesn’t even exist, so don’t worry. You are not getting that book for your birthday. I woke from the dream feeling disconcerted. In an effort to calm and ground myself I have found that I have been placing my hand on my heart a lot lately (it’s a yoga thing).
I realized that that tree doesn’t represent my longing for warm weather. It represents me. The roots are strong and ground the tree while the leaves remain lush and free to flutter in the breeze, the limbs swaying. It represents that balance of being centered while still being able to bend and move with the flow. This soothes me.
Happy Love Thursday!