A long time ago, before college, I was very bold. I pushed myself to do things I really didn’t feel comfortable doing like getting on stage or speaking in public. I did all of this in the name of scholarship. I was willing to withstand the knotty stomach if it meant that I was going to get out of the small little town where I lived.
Once I got to college, I didn’t have to do those things any more. I didn’t have to assert myself or entertain. I just had to be and this was a relief. But maybe not such a good idea. When I realized that I would be attending BlogHer alone and traveling by myself to New York, I was suddenly gripped with fear. How was I going to do this? How would I ever be able to talk to anyone? I had let myself fall into Wallflower Status.
But something strange happened in the weeks leading up to BlogHer. In panic mode, I impulsively contacted Chookooloonks through chat to ask her about business cards. And that one little act or seed started to grow. When the actual BlogHer event started, I was talking and handing out business cards right and left, meeting new people, laughing and joking, and joining in. I almost didn’t recognize myself. So, when I finally made it to the front of the line for Karen’s booth at the Gala, I knew exactly what I wanted her to paint on me. (Photo graciously taken by Kizz.)
Then I was on a roll. Talaura and I participated in the Yoko Ono’s instruction piece entitled “Scream” at MOMA. One of the best parts about this was hearing all the other screams as we strolled down the stairs and out the door. We had started the ball rolling and it felt really good.
Then, while we were strolling around Central Park, we came across this little stage. I decided that this was the perfect time to mark number 39, sing on stage, off of my Life List.
OK, so it wasn’t my best performance and my audience included a small group of skateboarders, Talaura, and Kizz. But I did it. And I really think I needed this week of boldness. I needed that nudge, that kick in the pants, because I came home knowing that I am ready. For whatever comes this way.
The first time I saw that photo I cried a little. because finally FINALLY you see you…like I see you. and that is a beautiful thing. we always wish that for each other.
and then I read this post. and I am gripped. GRIPPED with certainty that you were meant to do this trip alone. Not alone really…you had two of the best NYC guides in the WORLD…but while I was literally broken apart while you were there…this…THIS just solidifies the fact that I KNOW I was supposed to be here…
and you were supposed to sing.
and scream.
and be bold.
i love you.
I’ve said it before, and I’m going to say it again. I am so proud of you. What I haven’t said is that I am blessed to have you as a friend. And I am so going to miss you. Keep being bold and trust that instinct.
love ya
You are bold, and you always have been! It might not seem like it all the time. But the doubts, and insecurities, and all of that doesn’t matter because somehow you always push beyond those things, and come out on the other side. Being bold is what you do…it just doesn’t feel like it to you all the time. But it always looks like it to the rest of us.
Love is too weak a word for what I feel. I Lurve you!
I think it’s important to mention that the skateboarders stood back respectfully when you took the stage and applauded you when you were finished. It was great! YOU were great!
I’ve only known you as Bold and lovely… you are certainly lovely. I’m so glad you had a wonderful time. Checking things right off that life list. I love the life list. Must do. Thank you for inspiring me every single time I see you… your blog… your photos. You are a delight to me. A single ray of sunshine bliss. Mrs. Bold!
That’s awesome. Good for you.
Hells yeah. To all of that. Everything you said, everything everyone else said.
I think all of the things you did are indeed bold…the traveling to NYC, the talking to strangers, the singing on stage. Go you!
But I also think it takes a hell of a lot more boldness to live and to speak as honestly as you consistently do.
You are honest. You are bold.
This is freaking awesome! To me, you have always been bold, brave, gutsy, whatever powerful word you want to insert. You are Amazing.