Do we really want to know what’s in a Twinkie? Reading this article about Steve Ettlinger’s book Twinkie, Deconstructed made me never want to consume one ever again. So, if you’re totally in love with Twinkies, avoid this Friday Science entry.

Let’s start with the creamy filling. The main ingredients are pretty standard. You’ve got your superfine sugars, shortening, corn syrup, and salt. There’s also some polysorbate 60 (have no idea what that is) and most importantly cellulose gum. Cellulose gum can absorb 15 to 20 times its own weight in water and can actually float on water. Cellulose gum is one of the main reasons why Twinkies will be the only edible food source after a nuclear holocaust. It holds the water in the filling and plumps it up with out using fat, like real cream. But don’t worry. Cellulose gum is not the bad part of a Twinkie. It has no caloric value because it’s indigestible. It’s what makes the cream filling look good.

Now we get to the buttery flavor of a Twinkie. There’s no way to use real butter in a Twinkie, not if you want to keep them around awhile. So they use an artificial butter and you’ll never guess what kind. They use the same artificial butter flavor as used on movie popcorn. No kiddin’ and when you break down artificial butter in its concentrated state its kind of disturbing. Artificial butter’s chemical name is diacetyl. The “di’ refers to its molecular structure and the “acetyl’ part is related to acetic acid and acetylene (a welding gas). Diacetyl is stinky. It smells so bad that its generally given its on storage building. Its also treated like dynamite. Diacetyl is a volatile liquid that is stored in drums sealed with a layer of nitrogen and a vapor mixture is so highly flammable that is can actually explode.

This book also tells us how to make iron-enriched flour and what making soap has to do with baking a cake. I may not want to eat Twinkies for a few hundred year, but I’m definitely putting this book on my reading list.

On our last day of vacation, Chris and I stopped in Hot Springs, Arkansas to have a bath at one of their many famous bathhouses. I have never done a bathhouse experience before, so I didn’t really know what to expect. We went to a place called the Buckstaff Bathhouse, which turned out to be really busy because it was the only bathhouse open on Sundays.

Chris got shuffled off to the men’s side of the bathhouse while I rode in one of those creaky gated elevators up to the women’s area. Once there, I was told to remove all of my clothes (yes, all of them) and then this lady wrapped me up in a sheet. I waited for about fifteen minutes before this very large woman came and took me to the bath. They have all these whirl-pool tubs and they pipe in the hot springs mineral water. She took me to my tub and ripped my sheet away with a snap. I stood there for a shocked minute and they lady said “Now git in the tub�. She was like this big mammy, barking orders and pulling me this way and that. It was a bit frightening at first.

But after I got used to the idea of being led around like a sheep, the bathhouse was really relaxing. After it was all over, I felt like I was made of rubber. I took the elevator back down to meet Chris. He had dosed off while waiting for me. Apparently he had had a really relaxing time as well. I would definitely do the bathhouse experience again, especially now that I know how it all works. No fear of the unknown.

Let me tell you though, that was the longest drive home ever. The bathhouse is not a good idea if you have a six hour drive home ahead of you.

Chris and I haven’t been on a vacation together alone in almost three years. We decided that this year we would actually go be tourists somewhere for our anniversary. We had been talking about going to William J. Clinton Presidential Library in Little Rock, Arkansas, ever since it opened. So, Friday morning, we dropped Hooper off at a doggy hotel and headed out to Arkansas (otherwise known as Hillbilly Land).

We stayed in Benton, which is halfway between Little Rock and Hot Springs. On our first evening there, we decided to eat locally because we were a little tired from the drive. I picked out this great place to eat…if you’re 80-years-old. It was advertised as an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet. Chris and I were the youngest couple there, and every couple younger than us had the standard 3.5 kids. The restaurant’s “seafoodâ€? consisted mainly of fried catfish, fried shrimp, and fried clams. Aside from a few vegetables and the banana pudding, pretty much everything else was fried, too. It was a bad idea. Chris and I have taken a vow against buffets (unless it’s the Indian place) and we just weren’t up to the challenge of piling our plates a foot high with nine kinds of food, all of which was the same golden brown color.

Late that night, I started getting a soar throat and around 1:00 AM, I made Chris take me to Walgreens for some drugs. Of course, I bought the wrong stuff. So the next day at the Clinton Library, I walked around in a Clariton coma. Chris kept having to say “Hold on. I need to take another picture because you look asleep in that one�. Despite the cold haze, I think I did really well. The Clinton Library is really great. It’s totally worth a trip to Little Rock. The self-guided tour starts off with a fifteen minute film of Clinton’s life and presidency, which was interesting and a little bit depressing because you realize how much the current administration has erroded the good things that the United States stood for. Even the old man sitting next to me shed a few tears over what’s become of this country. I miss Bill.

We had a great time. We did more then just see the Clinton Museum, but there’s too much to share in one entry. I will leave you with this conversation I overheard in Museum:

Hillbilly1: “Whut’s fer dinner?�
Hillbilly2: “CC’s.”
Hillbilly1: “Whut’s that?”
Hillbilly2: “It’s a pizza buffet. All you can eat.â€?
Hillbilly1: “Oooooh, that’s gonna be gooood.â€?

Side note: We were within walking distance of the River Market district that consisted of all sorts of really great eating establishments.

During the beginning of my freshman year at USAO I met a guy. I really really really liked him and followed him around like a love sick puppy. It’s slightly embarrassing now to think of it. For a while I thought this guy liked me too. He invited me out for ice cream all the time and took me to see the Christmas lights. I thought we might really have something.

When I came back from Christmas break, something had changed. He didn’t come to the dorms to visit me any more; instead he came to visit some other girl. I was heart broken, but I moved on. This guy and I ended up in the same independent study class and on the first day of class we toured the campus looking at all the different trees and plants. This guy attached himself to my side and wouldn’t leave. Every time we broke up into group projects, he would insist that I be in his group. His behavior irritated me to know end. I thought “here we go again playing the same game�. This time I refused to play. Towards the end of that semester I met Chris. We went on one date and that was it.

Later on in the fall, a friend of ours started crushing big time on that guy. She practically threw herself at him, but he refused. His excuse was that he wanted to be with me. I guess he was just biding his time until Chris and I broke up or something. I told my friend how sorry I was, but that guy was stupid. He could have been with me if he had just been open and honest.

I saw that guy this weekend. Him and his wife and his five children sat two rows behind me. That’s right, I said FIVE CHILDREN. I think we both pretended not to see each other. I told Chris first thing when I saw him “I love you�.

A lady once asked my dad if I was lucky because of my elephant collection. He told her that I was very lucky, but I disagreed when he told me the story. Looking back on it now I believe that I am very lucky. Chris and I celebrate our nine year wedding anniversary on Wednesday. I have no regrets.

An international team of scientists has recently confirmed an unproven theory that sunlight can effect the rotation of asteroids. It seems that sunlight can cause asteroids to spin quickly.

It’s called the YORP effect, named after the four scientists (Yarkovsky-O’Keefe-Radzievskii-Paddack) who inspired the theory. The YORP effect is based on a theory that the Sun’s heat serves as a propulsion engine, so when sunlight hits the asteroid solar energy is absorbed and then radiated back out to space.

Now let’s try to wrap our little brains around this one. One of the asteroids used in this study (2000 PH5) increased its spin by 1 millisecond per year. One day on the asteroid last about 12 Earth minutes and it just keeps getting faster and faster and gaining more energy. The scientists in the article talk about how understanding the YORP effect gives us a better understanding of our solar system.

If the Sun can have that kind of an effect on a lump of metal and rock, then what could we do with that kind of harnessed energy right here on earth?

Remember how they explained spontaneous sex change in Jurassic Park? It had something to do with environment and population ratios and pixy dust. Well a recent study by a lab in Sweden suggests that certain environmental pollutants can cause male frogs to turn into female frogs.

The research group exposed two species of frogs to estrogen at levels similar to those detected in natural bodies of water in Europe, the U.S. and Canada. The percentage of females in two control groups was under 50% (normal frog ratio). The sex ratio in three pairs of groups maturing water dosed with different levels of estrogen where greatly skewed. The group receiving the highest dose of estrogen had 95% turn female. No wonder a third of frog species are being threatened with extinction.

Environmentalists have always used frogs as a divining rod for pollutants. A similar study in the U.S. found that a pesticide that produced estrogen-like chemicals had the same effect on Rana pipiens male frogs. Certainly if all the frogs turn female, that’s it for frogs, but look at the bigger picture. If it effects frogs now, how long until we see a major effect on humans?

I finally finished them! I know we have at least one more freeze in us before its offically Spring. I’ll get to wear them once or twice before they get packed away for the summer. And look! They’re convertable. It makes it easier to flip people off.